Are Your Conscience Controlling Your Life?
Have you ever struggled with the feeling of bad conscience? Of course you have, we all (most of us at least) experience this feeling from time to time, and it’s a good thing. Our conscience tells us when we have acted wrong or unethically. It gives us the chance to make up for our self and apology. Sometimes on the other hand, our conciseness are taking up more space than its supposed to, and it gets the leading seat of our life. This phenomena applies to more of us than we might like to admit. Take a look at the statements I´ve gathered below, to see if any of them resonate with you:
- If you and your friend are disagreeing about where to eat or what movie to see, you usually give in in order to avoid an argument.
- You feel guilty when you don’t do anything for a whole day.
- You spend a whole day making up for one bad meal the night before.
- You end up joining your friend for a night out that you planned a week ago, even though you are really feeling for an early night to catch up on some sleep.
- You always let your sister get the last piece of cake, even when you also want it.
- You feel bad about spending money on a cup of coffee, even though it brings you joy.
- Someone gives you a comment at work and you instantly go into a sad, destructive mood.
- You forgot to tip your waiter, and now you just can’t get it out of your head.
- When a friend borrow money, but forget to give it back, you rather let it pass than kindly reminding her.
Did you recognize yourself in more than three of these? Than chances are you have an overly active conscience. Constantly struggling with a feeling of guilt, are often linked to low self-worth. If your wellbeing are determined by other people’s opinion on you , the transition from happy to sad are rather short. The society we live in today are constantly bombarding us with information on how, and what, we need to accomplish in order to be successful, and we let this determine our own worthiness. When we “fail” on our mission to head the gym 4 times a week, or when we give in to that chocolate bar we´re been so good to avoid the whole week, we tend dive into a place of shame and guilt. We feel bad about our self and believe there must be something wrong with us for failing. The guilt we are experiencing are linked to our conciseness and we let it run our life. The same apply when we´re always agreeing on our friends choice of movie instead of promoting our own suggestion. We are trying to avoid any uncomfortable situations by escaping a conflict all together. It’s not to say that we should never make compromises, but we need to ask ourselves why we do it. If we are always going on compromise with ourselves in order to make others happy, there might be time to reevaluate our relationship with our self.
How can we build more trust in our self so that were are not constantly controlled by your conscience? As with almost everything else in life, I would say that we have to start from a place of self-love and self-awareness. Only when we can learn to be comfortable in our own skin, we will let go of the hunger for outside approval.
I know that this is not done in a heartbeat, it takes practice, and it takes commitment, but we can all get there. Begin small by taking baby steps in the right direction. Show people that your time is valuable, by daring to say no. They might be surprised at first, but eventually they will begin to respect you and your time.
A great tip to better understand your behavior patterns, is journaling. I find it easier to understand where my thoughts and feelings are coming from if I write them down. By adapting a consistent writing practice, you might begin to notice a pattern in the way you behave. Start to notice any questions that might pop up, and write them down. Here are some high mileage questions you can begin ask yourself:
Do you always avoid conflicts because you are afraid of hurting someone? Do you let other people’s comments get to you because you are feeling unworthy? Do you easily fail your goals because you have already told yourself you will? Are your conscience inherited from any of your parents?
By addressing these questions and beginning to understand your behaviors, you will be better equipped to notice them as they occur, and by noticing them, you can begin to change them.
I am cheering on you, you 100% got this! And please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns!